Cooper: Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop, and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs. Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption. 
                        -- "Twin Peaks"

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About me:
* Born in Dayton. Eldest of 10. Lived there 21 years.
* Graduated University of Dayton, 1986.
* Two years in Binghamton.
* Eight years in Chicago area.
* One year in Fort Wayne.
* Back to Chicago area, since 1998.
* 1993: First album recorded.
* 1999: First Regis experience.
* 2003: First theater experience.
* 2005: Eleventh album recorded.

Sunday, November 27th

Shopping


Is it any wonder I hate shopping? The amazing thing is that everyone doesn't. I went to Kohl's -- which I actually like as a place to get clothes -- to get 3 specific things, in this order: 1) an overcoat of some kind, something that I could wear over a suit; 2) dress shoes, to replace my uncomfortable, worn out 20 year old model; and, 3) everyday shoes. I knew what I wanted, it wasn't crowded, and I still couldn't pop in, get my stuff, and go. It wasn't just not finding what I wanted. There are hardly, like, any size 8 shoes. And that's apparently the smallest shoes run, which is actually a little on the large side for me. Anyway, after 45 minutes I gave up and left only with #3. For crying out loud. And #1 is the one I really wanted to get before Saturday. You know, when I try to wear a suit in December weather.

And speaking of buying things, I think I'm going to start buying decongestants whenever I get the chance. It's been a year since they hid the ones with pseudoephedrine behind the counter -- you know, the ones that work -- and lately the employees won't even go back there and get them for me if the pharmacy's closed. Plus I noticed they stopped coming in 96 count boxes. The biggest box is 48 now, and they charge as much as they used to for 96. I suspect it's just a matter of time before they're outlawed completely, like they did with ephedra-based diet pills. Those were probably the only diet pills that actually worked. Just like pseudoephedrine decongestants are the only ones that work. So, let the hoarding begin. They'll probably only allow me to buy a couple boxes at a time -- to make it difficult for me to get a meth lab up and running -- so I'll have to make lots of stops. I'd have to make extra stops anyway, since the pharmacy's always closed when I go to the grocery. I hope I can get enough to last me the rest of my life before they're only available on the black market.
Dan on 11.27.05 @ 06:27 PM CT [link]

Friday, November 25th

Trouble Train


I went and made an entry in myspace.com for Ancient Order of the Killer Owl. Unfortunately, a social networking site like that really relies on connections to connections, and I'm not officially aware of anyone who has a myspace account -- maybe it's because I don't know a lot of people under 25 -- so I don't know anyone to invite to be the band's friend. I'm certainly no Dane Cook.
Dan on 11.25.05 @ 01:41 AM CT [link]

Tuesday, November 22nd

Traffic


So they're updating the whole tollway system, gradually adding these "open road" toll collectors which don't require most people to even slow down, and that is supposed to improve travel times on the notoriously congested Chicago-area toll roads. The Irving Park Toll Plaza (southbound I-294) was finished a week or so ago. And there was much rejoicing. It's kind of a joke, though, isn't it. I get off the tollway just before then. Traffic still comes to a complete stop 5 miles or so before that toll plaza. And in the evening, when I'm thankfully going the other way, it backs up even further, just as it always has. You have to wonder, what was the point. Well, the governor's got his name plastered all over it and he's taking credit for it. I'm sure it'll be part of his re-election campaign. He and the tollway authorities brag about what a great thing they're doing for commuters -- even though there's no noticeable difference if you're one of those commuters. And the cronies of the people who run the tollway get their huge contracts to rebuild all the toll plazas. I'm sure they're pleased. I'd suspect they've let some toll collectors go, since there's a lot less tollbooths where you can pay with cash. That sounds good. Except the money saved on them won't do anything but line the pockets, again, of the people who run the tollway and their cronies who can count on continued, no doubt larger, construction projects. Kudos all around.
Dan on 11.22.05 @ 08:36 AM CT [link]

Monday, November 21st

Neighborhood


It seemed like there was a lot more activity in the neighborhood this morning. My street's only a block long and fairly quiet, so normally the only thing to notice at 6:30 am would be the garbage truck banging along. As I was leaving this morning, I saw a police SUV, or jeep, or whatever it is they drive. No sirens, but he stopped down the street and was talking to someone. I'm guessing he didn't follow anyone in. They were probably called out, like if your car stereo got stolen, although I haven't been familiar with anything like that since I lived in an apartment complex, lo these many years gone by. Then, as I drove away, I noticed garbage scavengers. It is garbage day, after all. The careful reader already knew that. No matter how often you might tell me that people throw out valuable stuff, it's still something someone wanted to get rid of. And you've got to go through real garbage to get to it. I can't imagine it's worth the effort. You're not going to find a Queen Anne living room set or a working Xbox in there.
Dan on 11.21.05 @ 08:21 AM CT [link]

Sunday, November 13th

Mystery


So I'm sitting here thinking, man, I'm chilly. And suddenly, my whole head feels like it's burning. Especially in the spots where razor burn might occur. And the back of my neck, where I had done some shaving today, since today was a head-shaving day. But that was all 6 hours ago. I was like, what's going on. I went to look in the mirror and my whole head was bright red. But my hands and arms looked normal. Could this be some kind of allergic reaction? Or maybe radiation poisoning. Probably not radiation poisoning. Unless one of my enemies has a truck parked outside blasting my house with a narrow, focused beam of radiation to finally get rid of me. Or turn me into a superhero. No. Then I wondered, what have I eaten lately. It was less than a half hour ago that I drank a Hansen's Energy drink. But it has the same ingredients as all those energy drinks as far as I can tell. I've been chugging a Monster energy drink before each show this week and it's twice as big and nothing like this happened. Freaky. Could it be stress? Or perhaps distress over, you know, whatever it is that distresses me. I'm talking bright red -- and hot -- over here.
Dan on 11.13.05 @ 05:08 PM CT [link]

Friday, November 11th

Government


Not that this is news to anyone born in the last 70 years, but here's a concrete, everyday manifestation of how overly bloated our government is -- a bureaucracy that sadly is only capable of growing more monstrous no matter who is in charge. Probably three-fourths of those jobs are just institutionalized welfare without the shame (assuming anyone still feels shame collecting welfare). But I digress. First four days this week, I averaged over 95 minutes getting to work. Today, Veteran's Day, a holiday where practically the only people who get the day off are government employees, the same drive took, like, wow, 55 minutes.
Dan on 11.11.05 @ 08:21 AM CT [link]

Monday, November 7th

Standup Philosopher


As I crawled along during today's 100 minute morning commute, I thought, while I'm not ready to abandon my motto -- "Be careful what you wish for." -- if I had to have a backup motto, it might be something like, "Maybe it'll be better today." The "it" makes it general enough to apply to anything, plus it's got that veneer of optimism barely containing the sarcastic cynicism implied by anyone saying it; anyone other than the most deranged of pollyannas, that is.
Dan on 11.07.05 @ 01:52 PM CT [link]

Friday, November 4th

Traffic


It's been about a year since I've been making this insanely frustrating commute. Is it a sign of my frustrating insanity -- outside the scope of the commute -- that I have this here chart showing my commute time for every day? Insanity... or genius! The only missing data points are when I didn't go directly home after work. It shows a lot of my life wasted away. Of course, I mean wasted away in a pointless way, not in the occasionally enjoyable way that I've wasted the rest of my life away.




Dan on 11.04.05 @ 09:34 AM CT [link]

Thursday, November 3rd

Theater


Check it out. "Charlie Brown" opens tomorrow. And there was an article in today's (Waukegan) News-Sun about it, with pictures. (The online version doesn't have the pictures.) It's my 11th show, but this is the first time that's happened. Kind of exciting -- even though I can't say I know who still reads newspapers. Someone must, because they are still in business. OK, they did spell my name wrong. But that'll just make it harder for those community theater groupies to stalk me, so that's a good thing. I may not be the ham that most people I've met through community theater seem to be, but there must be some of the narcissist in me. Still, I didn't get into this to get my picture in the paper. I got into this... Um, why did I get into this. Yeah, why was that.
Dan on 11.03.05 @ 11:56 PM CT [link]